December 2, 2008

The Happening (12/02/08)

Lettergrade: D-

Awful. Simply awful. I don't know what the hell happened to M. Night Shyalaman, but this is just sad. I mean, Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ, what the fuck was he thinking?! It's just... I can't... I mean, who green-lit this fucking thing? How did it M. Night pitch it to the studio? Who thought it was a good idea and gave him the money to make it? And Mark Wahlberg! Goddamn, I've never seen acting like that in a major, studio-fianced movie! Can you believe that asshole got nominated for an Oscar the other year for The Departed? He got nominated! Out of everyone in that movie - Jack Nicholson... Martin Sheen... Matt Damon... Leo. Shit, the prosthetic cock he wore at the end of Boogie Nights would have been a lot more convincing in this role than Marky Mark himself is. I just can't believe it... I can't fucking believe it. I mean... plants! For fuck's sake, how did Night possibly think he could squeeze even a passable sci-fi thriller out of that? And Zooey Deschanel... wow. I mean, I had no idea. Seriously. In summation: Goddamn. I mean, just spend an evening staring at a bowl of your own shit; it will be cheaper than the rental fee and significantly more rewarding.

(Seen on BluRay)

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